Sandals Whitehouse: Cheesy…Just Like The Commercials

A look back at another over rated hotel…

Let’s be honest, all of us see those Sandals commercials on TV and immediately flip the channel. Maybe it’s because of the terrible music…or maybe it’s because I’m slightly jealous of how ripped these old guys are with their shirts off. Regardless, Sandals Whitehouse is an all inclusive that fits the mold of over hyped, kind of crappy all inclusive resorts with terrible food, mediocre service, and mildew smelling rooms.

Our pictures from this hotel actually look kind of nice…but this is a prime example of how pictures don’t tell the full story.


  • Jamaica is a beautiful country.
  • All inclusive. I tried to have 15+ drinks a day to get my moneys worth (I’m not even kidding).
  • The pool itself was decent, but watching the “dance contest” by the pool was hilarious. Imagine your mom dancing to Gangham style.
  • It was winter in DC…and it’s hot in Jamaica.
  • Peacocks all over the property.


  • Horrible bus ride to the resort. If you don’t like driving on very steep cliffs, don’t stay here. I heard they are building a freeway to connect the resort to civilization.
  • The food was horrible. I would have rather had Taco Bell every meal (then again, I do love Taco Bell).
  • The water wasn’t that clear.
  • The Rooms smelled like mildew.
  • The worst part was that this hotel was actually on Conde Nast Gold List at one point (2013). God I hate Conde Nast!



With tiled floors and 90’s looking furniture throughout the room, Whitehouse was completely underwhelming. That’s it…there was nothing else substantial in the rooms. If you think I’m lying, check out TripAdvisor. The rooms suck.


People in Jamaica are very friendly, just slow. If you go up to the swim up bat at the pool, the service was pretty fast. If you sit by the lawn chairs at the beach,the service was horribly slow. I know what Sandals is trying to do: they send out waiters to the beach to take drink orders. The problem is that there are so many people on the beach, it took them around 45 minutes to come back with your drink. I think the resort would be better off having staff carrying pitchers of drinks (Miami Vice) and pouring it in customer cups if they want it.


It’s an all inclusive. They have multiple food options in the resort, all of them being equally meh, and non of them being Jamaican food. I don’t want to eat “fresh pasta” or “pseudo sushi” in Jamaica.

There are 8 restaurants on the property with a variety of food, non of which are good. Since we’ve stayed there, it looks like they have added a few more Jamaican restaurants.

Then again, you’re not going coming here for the food. You’re coming here to hang out on the beach and drink a sh*t ton…or maybe that’s just me…

How I Booked:

I just went online and looked for a deal through their website. It was a while ago, but I remember paying around $2,000 for our airfare and 5 nights stay. If I had payed any more than that, I would have been furious with myself…



As many TA posts reveal, the resort is mostly 40-50 yr olds. For some people (cough Diana) that might be a good thing. For Izumi and I, we felt a little out of place.

We won’t be returning to this hotel.

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